I find this new role as a ‘special needs’ parent is quite overwhelming at times. Emotions aside, the logistics are complicated. There are appointments to schedule, keep track of and attend, therapies to practice, milestones to work on. There are new tactics to try to overcome issues (like feeding, for us).
Then the emotions creep back in. Once all the other stuff is ticked off for the day there are things to worry about. Things to fret over. Things to be mad about. Things to feel like you did poorly today. There are things I didn’t do because I just didn’t have enough left in the tank so I have to feel guilty too. Then I have to pick myself up and dust myself off because tomorrow is another day and maybe tomorrow will be the day when it starts to get easier. When I’ll feel like I’m getting the hang of these added parenting challenges (rather than feeling like they’re hanging me.) Maybe tomorrow will be the day when I feel like I’m taking it all in stride.
I hope Obi spends her whole life oblivious to the challenges I have learning to navigate through these early times in her diagnosis. I hope by the time she remembers things, the learning curve evens out and all the emotions wrapped up in it even out too. At least some parts have GOT to get easier. (I know as I type this there will be other parts that just get HARDER too, but perhaps managing the process will get easier).
I hope, to her, it’s all just like this.
I hope she gets to feel like a kid, just like any other. Flapping her wings. Little by little, learning to fly.